Chapter 8: The Sermon at Benares (The Sermon at Benares)

A sermon is a religious or moral talk, usually given by a religious teacher or priest to a group of people. It is different from an ordinary lecture or talk, because a lecture gives information on a subject, while a sermon gives moral or spiritual advice.

Yes, the word can also be used jokingly or negatively for a long, boring or preachy speech giving advice that nobody has asked for, as in "my mother's sermon about getting my work done on time".

The Sermon on the Mount was delivered by Jesus Christ. The sermon at Benares was delivered by Gautama Buddha. The introduction to the text says that the Buddha preached his first sermon at the city of Benares, the most holy of the dipping places on the River Ganges.

Kisa Gotami asks her neighbours for medicine for her dead child. She does not get it, because nobody can give medicine to bring back the dead. The people think that she has lost her senses, since "The boy is dead."

The second time she asks for a handful of mustard seed from a house where no one has lost a child, husband, parent or friend. She does not get it, because every house has lost someone. The people tell her, "Alas! the living are few, but the dead are many." There was no house where some beloved one had not died.

The second time she understands that death is common to all and that she is not the only one who has lost a loved one. She realises that people are mortal, that their lives "flicker up and are extinguished again", and that she was selfish in thinking that only her grief mattered. The first time she could not see beyond her own sorrow.

Yes, this was exactly what the Buddha wanted her to understand, that death cannot be avoided and that grief is shared by all.

The first time Kisa Gotami was overcome with grief and desperate to save her child, so she could think only of herself. She did not accept that her son was dead. The Buddha did not tell her bluntly that death is inevitable. He asked her to bring mustard seed from a house where nobody had died. Going from door to door, she herself saw that every family had known death. She learned the truth by her own experience, and this changed her understanding gently and lastingly, making her accept the fate of men and give up her selfish grief.

Selfishness usually means caring only about oneself, one's own wishes and needs, and not thinking about others.

Sample opinion: Kisa Gotami's grief was natural and her love for her son was real, so she was not selfish in the usual sense. But she was selfish in her grief in the sense that she thought only she had suffered such a loss and expected the world to help her alone, forgetting that death comes to everyone. When she looked at the sorrow of the other families, she understood this, and so I agree with her.

The sentence can be broken up as:

1. There is no means by which those who have been born can avoid dying.
2. After reaching old age there is death.
3. Such is the nature of living beings.

The single sentence with semicolons has a better rhythm. The three clauses are balanced, and each one builds on the one before it, so the sentence flows slowly and solemnly like a sermon. The three short simple sentences sound abrupt and lose this flow.

Discussion guidance (sample points):

• The guide describes grief as a natural emotion with many forms: sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, fatigue and disbelief. It advises us to reach out to the grieving, be patient and show we care.
• Etzioni says there is no set form or 'right' way to grieve. He found consolation not in asking why, but in what we do for one another, and in keeping busy and supporting each other.
• The Buddha also says that weeping and grieving do not bring peace and cannot save the dead, and that peace comes by drawing out "the arrow of lamentation, and complaint, and grief".
• All three texts accept that death causes deep grief. The two modern texts accept feelings like anger and sadness as natural and stress support from other people, while the Buddha asks us to accept death calmly and not to grieve endlessly.
• The Buddha's way of teaching is still meaningful: he did not argue but let Kisa Gotami discover the truth herself. The modern texts add the idea of sharing grief and helping one another, but the Buddha's lesson that death comes to everyone is still true.

Sample answer on topic 2:

Everyone faces difficult times such as illness, failure, the loss of a loved one or a big change. During such times a kind word, a warm hug or just sitting beside someone can give great strength. The Buddha showed Kisa Gotami that she was not alone in her suffering, and this helped her find peace.

When my grandfather passed away, our relatives and neighbours visited us every day. They brought food, shared old memories and sat quietly with us. Nobody told us not to cry, and that made it easier to bear our sorrow. As Etzioni says, what matters is what we do for one another.

We should therefore be patient and listen to a person in trouble without judging them. We should reach out to them and help in small ways, and encourage them to go on. If we support each other, even the hardest days become bearable.

For topic 1, explain the idea step by step with simple examples, as the Buddha did with the mustard seed. For topic 3, show that each person is unique, yet shares joys and sorrows with billions of others.

Discussion guidance: Gibran says that joy and sorrow are inseparable. The same well from which laughter rises was often filled with tears, and "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." The cup that holds wine was burned in the potter's oven, and the lute that soothes the spirit was hollowed out with knives. When one is with us, the other "is asleep upon your bed". This is close to the Buddha's message: sorrow is part of life, and by accepting it we grow.

The young man and the young woman are arguing about whether a person can be loved for himself or herself alone and not for outward beauty. The young man says that no young man will love her for herself alone, because her yellow hair attracts everybody. She says she can dye her hair and be loved for herself. The old religious man says that only God can love her for herself alone.

"Great honey-coloured ramparts at your ear" means the thick, golden-yellow hair that falls on both sides of her face by her ears like the high, wide walls of a fort. Her hair is so beautiful and striking that every young man is attracted by it first. The young men are thrown into despair, because they cannot see beyond her hair to the real girl, so they cannot love her for herself alone.

The young woman's hair is yellow. She says that she can get a hair-dye and change it to brown, black or carrot. She wants to do so in order that young men may love her for herself alone and not for her yellow hair.

Sample answer: A car is desirable for its mileage, comfort, safety, speed and low price. A phone is chosen for its camera, battery life, memory and display. A dress is liked for its colour, fabric, fit and fashion. One object is more desirable than another when it has better qualities.

If I were selling a phone, I would emphasise its sharp camera, long battery life, fast performance, attractive design and reasonable price, and its warranty.

Discussion guidance (sample points):

• A parent's or caregiver's love for a newborn baby or a challenged child does not depend on looks, abilities or cleverness. This is love for the person alone. Love for a clever child or prodigy may include pride in the talents.
• The public loves a film star, sportsperson, politician or social worker mostly for qualities and achievements: looks, talent, success or service. This love can change if the qualities fade.
• Love for a friend, brother or sister grows from shared time and trust, and continues even if their looks or situation change.
• A pet loves its owner without thinking of rank or looks, and we love the pet for itself.

Conclusion: we often like people for their qualities, but true love goes deeper and is for the person. Nobody is 'more lovable' in this deeper sense, though some are more admired.

Sample answer: It is very difficult to separate a person from the way he or she looks, sounds and walks, because these are part of who the person is, just as a dancer and the dance cannot be separated. Yet our love should not depend on them alone.

My grandmother's hair has turned white and her walk has slowed down over the years, and her voice is softer. But my relationship with her has become closer, not weaker. As a child I loved her stories and sweets; now I love her for her wisdom and her care. Our relationship has changed from child and grandmother to friends, but the love remains.